How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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