hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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