I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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