There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
