you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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