You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
