I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
