I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
