you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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