I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
