That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
