just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
