if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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