Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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