Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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