Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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