lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
