I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
