Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
