There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
