just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
