Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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