You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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