I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
