I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
