I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
