She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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