hotel room ftw
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
