I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
