so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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