I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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