I heard we made out
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
