The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
