im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
