Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
