Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
