Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
