shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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