Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
