Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
