allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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