His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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