apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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