Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
