Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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