Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I cut my penus on the lid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize