I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
