Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
