ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
