mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is my gift to your gina
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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