For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
