im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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