Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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