You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
