im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
