I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
