i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
