when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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