im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
