Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
