The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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