i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
