I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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