I'm gonna have a badass scar
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Vodka?
Forever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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