Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
