PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
