just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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