He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
