I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
