it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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